May flowers are not happening yet...

Here's my May BJP.  April showers are supposed to bring May flowers, except in northern Wisconsin.  We still have piles of snow, there's still ice on the lake as of today, and opening of fishing is in 2 days.

My BJP reminds me this month that even though I am usually impatient for results and changes to occur, I need to learn patience and all things come to those who wait.  

So, just like my garden, this piece is showing how even tho things are slow growing, with bits of snow and mostly mud, it will get there, all in good time.

April showers

Here's my April BJP.  I've had it done for awhile, but I wasn't thrilled with it, was going to redo it, and then after being my usual indecisive self decided that I didn't want to redo it because it was my first reaction for April.

My thought it simple.  Being a person with dysthymia*,  I have learned that every single moment I need to consciously make an effort to see life through glasses that are at least a little bit rosy. A person who suffers with dysthymia generally sees life as gray, with brighter spots of color sometimes, of course, but I have to purposefully look for the things that will make me smile and give me a lighter heart.  Instead of voicing the bad and giving it substance, I cheer for the good and the possible.  

So what I'm trying to say with my April BJP is no matter the weather--clear, gray skies or rain, I'll be bringing my own sun, thank you very much.  :)
 
*Dysthymia is characterized by depressed mood experienced most of the time for at least two years, along with at least two of the following symptoms: insomnia or excessive sleep, low energy or fatigue, low self-esteem, poor appetite or overeating, poor concentration or indecisiveness, and feelings of hopelessness.

March BJP - Life is magically delicious...

March makes me think of wind, bare trees and mud up here in northern Wisconsin.  We don't really see a real sign of spring until April or later and this year who knows when we'll see any signs of good weather?  

There's also St. Patrick's Day and that whole thing with rainbows
and a pot of gold and 4-leaf clovers.... So this month I am naming
"Life is magically delicious." 

These days I feel that is very true, it seems life is turning around and rainbows are spewing out golden coins.   I've just felt good and
life is good and even though life has its ups and downs,
I can better see the rainbows.

 Plus I really like Lucky Charms cereal.  LOL. 

The tree on this BJP I first put in with embroidery and then beaded over it.  The rainbow was laid in kind of freeform and the "clover" is embroidered French knots sprinkled with golden "coins." 





here is my February "jeweled" BJP piece.   This one is dedicated to one of my grandmothers.  Her birthday was on February 15th.  She was a tiny woman who probably never weighed more than 95 to 100 pounds and wore a girdle till the day she died.   She liked small things, probably because was so small, and was very artsy.  She liked "crafty" things, and she could
draw and paint very well.   She loved fairy tales, butterflies, birds and flowers.  My grandparents were married for over 60 years and lived in the same house their entire married life.  It was a lovely little house that was sparkly clean and had a wonderful north-facing sunroom where my grandma had tons of houseplants and African violets.  Now I remember where I got my love of houseplants from.  LOL.   My brother and I were her only grandchildren, and I'm sure the sun rose and set on us in her eyes.  When my grandpa died I remember her saying to him at the funeral "see you soon," which filled everyone's eyes with tears, but she held on several more years until my daughter was born and she saw her first and only great-grandchild.

 Anyway, this BJP piece has a "family" pin in it of hers, which had my grandparent's birthstones, my parents, my brother's and mine.  We have a very small family, so the rest of the stones were clear.    There is also a tiny butterfly earring because I lost the matching one, and a little bird pin on one of the pewter branches.    the other pic, obviously, is January and February together in the display box.

and here is March's jeweled BJP - dedicated to my mom.  Her birthday is in March along with various other family members.  What can one say about one's mom???  She is the one person who is ALWAYS there for me, loves me unconditionally and I'm probably wayyyy more like her than I know.  

This is probably one of the only "blingy" bits of jewelry she has.  I love this pin and I'm pretty sure there were earrings that went with it at one time.  The jewels shine a million colors, but I just added bits of it.  Love you, mom.  






And here is one more thing I found in the midst of my straightening, cleaning and organizing spree this morning.  I believe I originally made it for the last BJP I was part of, because it's the same size as I'm doing now, but no date on it.  It was mounted on a card and had this written:

"If I let you look into the window of my soul,

Will you see with jaded eye yet wisely leave me whole?"


If you are interested, my brother did an update to his blog with a snowy hike in New Mexico on New Years Day, some very pretty pics.

Thanks for reading!  

a second BJP for 2014

I'm calling this the first entry in my "jeweled" BJP.   I had originally planned to use items from my various stashes, special things to me, things from WIPs, things from past projects that I've taken apart, etc. etc. etc.  for the 2014 BJP.  Turns out I discovered I have way more ingredients for projects than I have months in the year.  SO finding myself with way more energy and creativity  on hand than normal, I am starting a second BJP for the year.  This one will be displayed the same way, in a separate bead tray "frame" for each month.  I just painted the tray today so no pic of how it looks in place yet.

This is January's jewel.  The main focus is a beautiful vintage green brooch that I received from my friend Julie back right before I started chemo.  Julie was so supportive to me at that time, she made me some really cool head bands to wear around scarves, she made some barrettes for me to clip onto scarves that I wore over my bald head, all beaded, all in my favorite colors, all in styles she knew I loved.   When I had surgery, it was right before Christmas in 2008 and she took my daughter and baked Christmas cookies all day with her and listened to her music and just hung out with her.   I did most of my Christmas shopping on line that year, but she took care of what I couldn't do.  After Christmas, she took me to have surgery to get my port put in when my husband had to work plowing snow, which was no small thing as the hospital where I had surgery is an hour and a half away.  She packed blankets and a big comforter so I wouldn't get cold on the way home and warmed up the car.  As I'm writing this and remembering it, I am getting choked up because she did so much for me and was always there when I needed her, even though she actually lives 200 miles away!  

I made this brooch into a BJP because unfortunately it started to lose some of the jewels and I was afraid actually wearing it I would just lose all the jewels eventually.  I actually was wondering where those little jewels of green have ended up and if anyone picked one up and wondered about it, or if they have just been swept away in heaps of dust.  Just thoughts of fancy... 

This piece includes green beaded "vines" that I took off an old BJP that I didn't care for, and little Swarovski crystal flowers, also off an old BJP piece.    This 2014 piece ended up way better now than it was.   Maybe because I made it with lots of memories and love and feeling in it. 

Anyway, this is for my friend Julie, who is more like me than any sister I never had, who has a heart of gold, is compassionate and a great and wonderful friend. 

Thanks Julie.  

 

February BJP - Love will grow even in the dark

Here's February.   Actually nothing in this BJP has been reused from old stash or anything,  just seed beads I've had for years.   This is another thing I've promised myself, that unless I need something for a certain month like thread, needles, etc, I am not buying any new beads.  Only two months in, but good so far on that promise. 

There's not really too much of a story behind February besides I think of Valentine's Day this month, pretty obvious.   When I think about it though, it does make sense, there have been times when things have been very dark in my life, either through illness, depression or other reasons.  I still love, am still loved and there may be times when I don't feel particularly loved, but in the end I still am.  Kind of an obtuse thought, but makes sense in my head.   

Even when someone really makes you angry, you still love them, right?  Makes sense.  Which brings me to something I've wondered in the past. 

Why is it so easy to be mean to the ones we love the most?   Ever since I first heard that, it has stuck in my mind and is always, always there.  I am very conscious of it.    But are we able to be mean or ugly to those we love the most because we know that love grows even in the dark???   

here's January and February in the display box:

January 2014 BJP

Here is January 2014.  Yes, I already posted it on Facebook, but that's okay, it's here too now.   And I had it on my brother's blog which I'm supposed to be sharing with him, but it was too weird for me, seeing his lovely photos and stories about his hiking and trips and then there was a post by me just blathering on about whatever.  

so I made the decision to start my former blog again, which I've changed, and deleted a whole lot of stuff.  All my cancer stuff I deleted years ago already because I just couldn't read it anymore.  I'd lived through it once, and that was enough. 

Do take a look at my brother's blog if you appreciate nature photography and the outdoors.  He lives in New Mexico and does quite a bit of hiking and other outdoorsy things. North by Southwest .

This is called "Time to Begin."  This year is going to be mainly created from "old" works in progress, pieces that never got used in old projects, bits and pieces from here and there, inherited costume jewelry, etc.  And "Time to Begin" is just that.  Time for me to commit again to the BJP, to be creative, to get back to the things I love to do.  

January is my birth month, so I used my favorite colors ,there are bits of a broken bracelet from my grandma, Russian leaves from a huge stash I beaded at one point, and the clock charm I actually took out of an old BJP piece that I didn't much care for. 



this box to the right is how I will be displaying my year of projects.  It's a wooden bead tray that I threw some paint on and sanded a bit.  Right now I have January in there, and the other 2 are actually just other little pieces I made years ago.   I just wanted to see how they're going to look...   I think I like it!

February is up next, and some other stuff I'm working on.

Starting again

Sooo I asked Robin awhile ago whether there was going to be a 2014 BJP because I'm ready to start beading again.  As you can probably see, I haven't been very attentive to my blog.   I had a very good reason, but nonetheless, it kind of bothered me, like I had started something in my life but not finished.  

Just an FYI for anyone who wasn't here back in the first years of the BJP... I was good the first year in 2008 and kept up.  In late 2008 I found out I had breast cancer that was thought to be due to having had Hodgkin's disease back in 1993 when I was pregnant and having radiation to my chest.   I had bilateral mastectomy in December 2008, chemo in 2009, and all through everything I kept up with the BJP, I even managed to keep up with being the "registration Angel" for the BJP two years.   I love all the friends I made and the support I received through those couple years.   Then all the sudden after I finished chemo and regrew my hair and looked at myself in the mirror... I didn't see ME anymore and  I just lost all muse, creativity, sense of self, and packed everything up, every bead, every book, every creative item and for the most part refused to look at anything.   I was depressed, overwhelmed and lost.   Every so often I'd haul out a box of beads or watch a friend as she beaded and think maybe I was being inspired... but I wasn't.   

In the meantime my daughter grew up and left home for college and my two kitties died within a couple months of each other.   I started working at home instead of going in to an office and isolated myself even more.   After some really really bad months where I seriously wondered what I was even doing anymore, after thinking out loud and to myself, I finally decided to have breast reconstruction last year.   At the time I had my mastectomy, and after,  I was totally against reconstruction.  I was against prosthetics.  I was against it all.  Damn it, if I was going to have cancer and lose my breasts, so be it.  I went through 4 years of a self-imposed sense of not being me anymore.   Whether or not people stared, whether they talked, whether they felt pity doesn't matter.   It doesn't even matter if they totally never realized I didn't have breasts anymore.  What mattered was I was making it a big deal in my head and I finally couldn't stand it anymore.  I asked my husband what he thought and he was behind me 100% no matter what I decided.  Asked my daughter and she was with me every thought on my way.   SO to make a long story short, had my reconstruction (not implants, it was total reconstruction) last March and April, and I'm not kidding, when I was out of the hospital and feeling back to "normal," I was fine.  It was like "oh... hello me.  Nice to see you again."  I've never had a thought of it being a waste of time or anything.  I've never regretted it, not once.  I am just me again.   

And right after that I got my whole self back.  I started touching beads again.  And from there and then to here and now, I have been running in my head with joy and a feeling of "O MY GOSH, I'M BACK!"    I've got time to wait those bad days out.   So there you have it. My reasons for not blogging, not beading, not doing much of anything.  Like I said, it was a self-imposed, and I suppose necessary, time for me to regroup. 

Now I can start posting about the BJP!!!!!   Thanks for listening.  :)       

an awesome morning sky

I don't know, this pic doesn't do justice to the way the sky looked this morning as the sun was starting to come up.  it was incredibly awesome.
I have some pics I was trying to upload of fall colors too, but blogger is not cooperating tonight!

Hope to do some more beading this weekend...

minis....

wheeee.... I'm practicing more......

let me tell you, after not having done any real beading for so long, this is really a challenge. my eyes feel dimmer, my fingers ache, my hands shake.... and thread a needle? Ya, right! that's a half-hour process in itself.  anyway.  I really do need the practice and I am having fun with these prototypes....